Friday, May 29, 2009

You've probably been an editor TOO LONG if ...

-Your four basic food groups are nicotine, caffeine, chocolate, and Scotch, not necessarily in that order.

-When you were a kid, you dreamed of writing your own book, but now you wouldn't be caught dead trying to write a book.

-You flinch every time the phone rings or you get a new text or e-mail message.

-You have friends all over the world that you've never met face to face.

-You know that telling people you're an editor sounds more impressive than it really is.

-You get very angry whenever someone cleans the office coffee machine.

-You often claim loudly and vehemently that books will be easier to publish without authors.

-You burst out laughing whenever someone asks if you'll meet the publication date.

-Your boss is always asking you to be more creative, and then gets mad at you when you ARE more creative.

-You check every day to see if anyone said anything bad about you in a review -- and then post an enthusiastic reply in agreement with the review.

-You often speak fondly of such outdated things as wax machines and pageboards.

-You miss the smell of bluelines.

-People keep asking you why you aren’t rich.

-95% of your social life is devoted to people you've met over the Internet.

-You no longer get bent out of shape whenever you see typos on billboards and service station signs.

-Your favorite book is not a book you've actually read, but one that made it to the printer without any problems or delays.

-Before computers, you had at least five paper cuts a day. With computers, you get 20 paper cuts a day.

-You dread going on vacations because you know someone is going to try calling or texting you about something horrible happening to your projects.

-There are at least two authors that you try to avoid whenever possible.

-You feel like crying whenever someone says, "This book will be an EASY edit."

-You were 40 pounds lighter at the beginning of your career.

-Famous people really just don't impress you.

-You're supposed to work 40 hours a week, but you really work at least 60 hours a week.

-Your home is full of books that you have no intention of ever reading, but you like them anyway because your name is in them.

-You know more about computer networks than the people in your IT department do.

-You complain about being too busy when your projects are full of problems, and you complain about being bored when your projects are running smoothly.

-You love going to book conventions just so you can bring home sacks full of cheap promotional items.

-Your favorite possession is a 100-year-old book that contains a major typo.

-You’re fond of scaring interns by yelling, "Your participles are dangling!"

-You remember (incorrectly) that journalism school was a piece of cake.

-Your authors aren’t aware that you have (mostly unflattering) pet names for all of them.

-You could swear that all of the proofreaders you’ve met in the last year aren’t a day over 12 years old.

-You actually use the word "peruse" in everyday conversation.

-Power outages in your office building are always immediately followed by gasps of surprise and then loud cheers.

-You know that there are authors who fantasize about murdering you in your sleep, and you don’t care.

-You no longer care when you see typos and errors in the books and magazines that you read at leisure.

-You’ve told your friends and family members that you will never again proofread their homework, resumes, or garage sale ads.

-You know that "deadline" really means two months after the target date.

-Every illustration submitted to you has to be redrawn by the poor artist at least three times.

-In your off hours, you go out of your way to hang around with someone, anyone, who doesn't work in publishing.

-You enjoy hearing about how every department in your company thinks that every other department is doing everything totally wrong.

-You can repair the copy machine faster than the copy machine mechanic can.

-Anyone in your office who says, "Let's make sure we're all on the same page," is at serious risk of being punched in the face.

-You’re very fond of telling your friends about the stupidest thing you’ve ever read.

-You dream of becoming a freelancer and you are extremely jealous of people who ARE freelancers.

-In bookstores, you can't resist pointing out errors in certain books to complete strangers.

-When you first graduated from school, your greatest ambition was to become an acquisitions editor; but now your greatest ambition is to have enough time for a nap.


SallyP said...

So...are we all on the same page here?


You mean you AREN'T rich?

MetFanMac said...

So... scare any interns lately?

TF said...


in some aspects, I've been an editor.
for quite a while!

this is certainly news to me!
where is my moneys!!!???

Bryon said...

"You feel like crying whenever someone says, "This book will be an EASY edit."

NOOOOOOO! NEVER SAY THAT! (a la Sam Kinison) Pretty soon you'll be awash in red ink and turning to the dictionary to check "the" because nothing looks right anymore.

And freelancers envy people with regular paychecks.

Bryon said...

BTW... Not to derail, but while we're on the subject of editing, I could have sworn that in the home page "About Me," pre-April 1, your favorite color was green. Am I mistaken?

Saranga said...

Feeling a little stressed Sea??!!

Sea-of-Green said...

Oops -- yes, my favorite color IS green, Bryon. I forgot to switch that back from when my evil twin, Sky of Blue, took over my blog in April.

Actually, this list is compiled from statements (and outbursts) collected from several different editors. But, YES, last week was rather stressful (better now, though). And, YES, I did scare the heck out of an intern last week. Poor kid. :-)

Siskoid said...

So what does it mean when you recognize this post as your profile but aren't an editor?

Sea-of-Green said...

Maybe you missed your calling ...? ;-)