Hal Jordan’s Tips for Picking Up Women

Follow these tips from Earth’s finest officer in the Green Lantern Corps, and YOU TOO can become an irresistible (and ultimately successful) babe magnet!

- Maintain a neat, clean, and trim appearance, and make sure you’re in shape. You can’t expect to attract high-quality women if you yourself don’t appear high-quality. Make sure your clothes are decent, your hair is clean and trimmed, and you smell nice.

- Be proud of your body, and give extra attention to your glutes during your workouts. Women appreciate a well-formed backside.

- It’s best to approach women with an open-ended question, like “Why the sad look?" or "Why the big smile?" In lieu of that, don’t hesitate to try a cheesy pickup line. Some women are amused by cheesy pickup lines, and they work better than you think.

- Smile, be friendly, and keep the mood light. Talk to her the same way you would talk to anyone else. Be careful not to compliment her TOO much.

- Being a good conversationalist means letting HER do most of the talking. Ask her questions about herself instead of volunteering information about yourself, and make sure you appear interested in what she's saying (even if it's as boring as dirt). Only talk about yourself to answer her questions about you.

- It’s very important to appear confident (but not rude) and masculine. A woman wants a real man, not someone effeminate or shy or easily intimidated. And don’t worry about appearing arrogant. If a woman perceives your behavior as arrogance, chances are you wouldn't want to be with that woman anyway.

- It helps if you’re a pilot. Women love pilots.

- Make rejection your friend.

If one woman turns you down, simply move on to the next woman.

- Married women are off limits. There's too much baggage involved.

- Gently reject any woman who appears underage -- unless she’s an alien, in which case there’s probably a loophole you can exploit (such as the length of her planet’s orbit).

- Learn how to dance, and dance confidently. Most women like to dance, and dancing enables you to make an up-close evaluation before you decide to take the next step.

- Be honest but polite about your intentions, so she doesn’t tag you as potential husband or father material.

- If you can help it, make sure she isn’t within earshot if a super-villain shows up, especially if the guy’s sexual orientation is different from your own. She may misinterpret what’s going on.

- Actually, letting her SEE you with villains probably isn’t a good idea, either.

- That goes for monsters, too.

- At the same time, you should interpret any unwanted advance as a compliment. It’s the classy thing to do, and women appreciate class.

- Keep your home, especially your bedroom and bathroom, as neat and clean as yourself. If you decide you really like a woman and would like to be with her again, you can’t expect her to be interested in returning to a sloppy bachelor pad, even if it's on the California coastline.

- 600-thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets are a must.

- Make her feel like she’s the center of your world, at least for that night, and really pay attention to what she likes and doesn’t like. She’ll respond to you better that way, and it increases your chances of being with her again if you decide you like her.

- If she likes using devices, make sure you understand how to operate them before putting them to use.

- Male enhancement products do produce unwanted and potentially harmful side-effects, and should be used only if absolutely necessary.

- Don’t forget to protect yourself against STDs and unwanted pregnancies. Green Lantern power rings are very useful prevention tools, but not every man has access to a Green Lantern power ring!